"Not again! Not another. Another man cut down too early. Another man that has sacrificed his time nobley for his family with the hope that one day he would have time for himself. Time that will sadly, never come.

I remember dreading going to work at the Cancer Center. It was my job to diagnose the UNKNOWNs. Someone that had an ache or pain, went to their doctor, got an x-ray and was told there was “something there”.

The patient was different but the story was usually the same.

Hard working man that spent decades hustling. Early mornings, late nights, too much coffee and stress that went ignored. I felt the same familiar pit in my stomach. I would answer all of their questions as they searched for WHY this was happening but the fact is there was NO ANSWER.

People search for meaning, we are creatures of reason but the fact is bad things happen to good people OFTEN. The fact is people often choose to live in denial. It is easier to think “that will not happen to me” than to face the reality. The fact is we are HUMAN both as fragile as we are resilient.

I would hug the patient at the end, knowing better than to say “Everything will be alright” because we both knew that would NOT be the case.

Returning to my office I would slump into my chair with more sense of defeat than hope. Eventually, this led to a deep depression. Days turned into months of monotony: wake up, go to work in a fog no matter how much coffee I drank, push myself in the gym… for what? Why bother?

My life was SAD.

I began to struggle to see the point of it all. Why work so hard? By all accounts I was successful. I was a prominent doctor, lovely wife, 2 beautiful daughters, nice house and cars… Why was I so SAD?

Because I had lost HOPE.

I had lost hope in the script of life. I had seen it play out too many times in the lives of my patients. The part of the story where the main character spends years grinding away only to lose it all in the end was too much for me.

So one night, unable to sleep I slipped from my bed. Kneeling in the master bedroom closet I took the pistol from the safe. The cold steel in my hand awoke my senses. Had THIS truly become an option? I dropped the gun and grabbed a sweatshirt from the shelf bawling into it uncontrollably. That was my rock bottom.

The next day… the sun shined brighter than ever before. It dawned on me, what if I could find the bomb before it were to go off? How different of an outcome that would be! BLINDSPOT was born out of pain and loss.